school

i haven't started school yet and boy, am i glad. there are quite a number of people around me who have and i feel sorry for them. but hey, they end earlier than i do so, bleh. (bastards...)

still, it's right around the corner and i have to pay my fees and such. -_- お金が無いよ～。*sniff sniff* 考えるのがイヤになる。無いものは無いのにね～。何もかもが高すぎるんだよ。i still have to buy my textbooks too... argh, i don't have the money. マジでどうしよう．．．ガッコは大変じゃあのぅ～

but it is school that gives me the freedom that i get. if not for school, i would be trapped forever in this hell hole called home. at least school gives me an excuse to not be at home. :) そういう面ではいいね～。（笑）but still, so much money...

currently listening to: HANABI - Mr. Children

告白

『好きです。』
いい響き～。（笑）青春っぽいね～。
正直告白をしたことがない私である。ちょっと憧れてたりする。よくマンガで読むけど実際自分がするとなると大変だろうなぁ～って思う。
今の彼とでは、向こうから告白してきた。正直めっちゃ驚いた。そのころはよく色々話し始めていたけどその前は結構キライだったかも．．．あはは。今は正反対だけどね。so you can't blame me when i at first didn't believe him. i think it's safe to say that until a a couple months before we started talking frequently, we both disliked each other. lol

前カレとはなんとなくだったなぁ。なんとなく付き合ってるみたくなって、じゃあ明日から official にする？みたいな。（笑）だから告白とかはなかったね。we both liked each other and i guess we both could tell. it just happened.

実際告白するとなるとできるかな？怖さ、不安、緊張、焦り。色々あると思う。自分の思いを相手に伝えるのって難しそう．．．でも、どっかで聞いたことある:

「告白するのは怖い。だけど、それでしなかったら相手より自分が大事だって思ってることになる。自分が傷つくのを恐れてるから告白ができなくなる」

確かにそうだと思う。相手を大事に思うなら自分の気持ちを正直に伝えてみるべきだと思う。「スキ」。その一言だけでも。

ファンモンの歌詞:

大好きだ　大好きなんだ

それ以上の言葉を　もっと上手に届けたいけど

どうしようもなく　溢れ出す想いを伝えると

やっぱ大好きしか出てこない

ただそれだけで　でもそれがすべて

i really like those lyrics. very nicely put :)

relationships can be very difficult. i'm not sure what's going on but something is wrong. i honestly don't think it's me this time.
yesterday, the bf was supposed to visit me so we could go out to eat or something after he was done hanging out with his friends. but that couldn't happen because he had to pick up his little sister. i didn't mind. we weren't scheduled to meet in the first place. しょうがないじゃん？ま、会えないって知ったときはちょっと寂しかったけど．．．
but when he came back from picking up his sister and after we had talked a while, he decides to go out to eat with his friends. -_- i was expecting to be able to talk to him a lot more. but no. it's not fair.... and then, when i say he can go now (before his friends arrived) he just turns off his computer. without a goodbye or anything. 失礼だし、普通そういうことする？we were still chatting... before i knew it, he was gone. 今日電話あったけど謝らないし．．．he makes it seem like it's not his fault. but it is. i was trying to be nice. let him hang out with his friends despite being cancelled on.

何かちょっと悲しい気分な今日この頃です。

currently listening to: 告白 - Funky Monkey Babys

FOOD!!! :)

anyone who knows me pretty well, knows that i like food, especially eating it. i like to cooking too, but i like eating even more. i mean, who doesn't like to eat, right? but the bf says i'm too picky with food. でも、どうせ食べるならおいしい方がいいでしょ？おいしいもの大好き！！！

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　my lunch the other day! :) おいしかった～

中でも一番すきなのは和食。和食ならほとんどなんでも好き。やっぱ日本人やなぁ～。lol. but seriously. nothing beats japanese food. it is the best food on the planet. that said, i like everything from mexican to chinese to american to italian. pretty much everything! :) i just love food! haha
with a positive, there's always a negative. with a ying, there's also a yang. with a black, there's also a white. i pride myself in not having too much that i can't eat. but of course, i am human. and i also have things that i dislike. 例えば、虫類。絶対食べない。後は、、、食べなれていない動物は絶対要らない。for the most part. things like snake, cats, dogs, frogs, rabbits, etc, etc. 後はそんなに無いかな？食わず嫌いの方が多いと思う。（笑）

on a side note, here's what i found right outside my apartment this morning when i stepped out to walk to work.

that was a real big surprise. i saw the pile of junk sitting out the night before. and at that time, it was in it's original form, with no charring or anything else for that matter.一晩で何があったの！？って感じ。本当にびっくり。車もかわいそうに．．．i would be very pissed if that were my car. i feel really bad for the owner. unless, of course, they did it by themselves. then i would just think that they are idiots. haha ご愁傷様です。

currently listening to: ロケットスニーカー - 大塚愛

Dell

so, the bf got his dell laptop that he ordered about 2 weeks ago. and it finally came today. took awhile, yea. anyways, he ordered the laptop to be shipped by second day air. but when the package arrived, he noticed that it was shipped by ground. funky, right? -_-

the bf decided to complain to dell since he was charged $60 for the shipping. 高いよね。だからどうせなら文句言ってお金返してもらう方が得じゃん？so that was what he did. he was on the phone for about an hour and a half. nothing was resolved. he spoke to so many people and went to the highest position he could get to (the manager on duty) but nothing would be able to get done. which really bites because he should be entitled to a refund for the shipping since he didn't get what he payed for. or am i wrong??

either way, dell has got some crappy customer service. they really should do something about that. じゃないといつか痛い目見る。he's gonna try to find a way to get his money back. good luck! :) let's hope there's an answer.

currently listening to: 何度も - 青山テルマ

お仕事

お仕事始めてからもうすぐ一年経つ。何かそろそろやめたい気がする。i did get a pay raise but the place is sooooooooooooooooo boring. most of the other student workers don't talk either and everything is very redundent. i must say, it is definitely not the best place to work. でも、今の給料が捨てられない悲しい私でございます。

この先のことを考えると少し不安になる。what do i want to do with my life?? 別に何か特技があるわけでもないし．．．やりたいことも無い。日本のOLみたいになるのかしら？i hear they get pretty good pay. but if it were america, i doubt that would be the case. i really should consider what i might want to do. i still have some time, but not too much... :[

going to grad school is one option. but the one i want to go to is one of the top 10 business grad schools in the NATION. there is no way i can compete. 自分で言うのもちょっと悲しい（笑）。plus, i'm not sure if i want to go to school for another 2 years. 勉強好きじゃないし．．．どうしましょう。

for now, i need to consider if i want to continue my current part time. are the wages really worth it?? for a poor college student, i would say yes. *sigh* but if the opportunity does arrive, i think i will be quitting. だって．．．イヤなんだもんっ！

oh! and i got a digital camera!!! thank you bf!!!!!!! :) you really are awesome!

currently listening to: apologize - one republic feat. timbaland